So... are you gay... straight, I'm confused...

Love. At it's core it's such a simple emotion. We don't control who we fall in love with. Like instinct, it simply happens with little or no need of involvement from our higher brain. For being so basic, so... automatic, it's also one of the most powerful forces in the world. It can move mountains, it can heal your heart, and it can do a lot of other cliche things as well. Believe it or not, those of us in the Transgender community are not immune to its effects. Before I set into today's topic, I want to mention Erin. We've been getting to know each other for a little while now. It started out as innocently as watching and reading posts from each other on Facebook. As we started to notice the things we had in common it escalated to private messages and onto texts and finally phone calls that neither one of us ever want to end. I've developed a great affection, love, and admiration for Erin and though, physically, there is a distance between us for now, it's not enough to keep us apart in the way that truly matters. Take a bow honey.

Obviously I can't define love and I wouldn't deign to attempt such a feat. It's a task better left to the poets and philosophers. But there is something that often falls  along the same vein. Let's talk a little about sex. To be more specific, let's talk about sexual orientation and how it applies to the Transgender community because there are a lot of misconceptions and general confusion floating around and it's really not that complicated. Maybe if we talk through it a little, we can come to an understanding.

Gender Pronouns

 Before we talk about orientation, let's talk a little bit about gender pronouns because there's almost as much confusion surrounding this topic, and understanding it, will help a little in understanding sexual orientation. Let's look at me for example. I am a Transgender Woman. Because I'm undergoing hormone replacement therapy as part of  a means to changing my physical body, I could also accurately be referred to as a Transsexual Woman. Because I identify as Female, I use female pronouns; her, she, and the like. It's as simple as that. A friend of mine is a Transgender Male. Now, because he isn't undergoing any medical treatment to alter his physical body, it would be incorrect to refer to him as Transsexual. Does that make sense? Are you still following me? Good. Still, because he identifies as Male, the masculine pronouns apply; he, his, ect... Now there are a host of variant gender identities that fall in between the binary male and female, and many who fall into these ranges use a host of gender pronouns that fall in between. For now we'll stick to the binary male and female though. Hopefully this makes sense. The best rule of thumb, if you're uncertain, is to politely ask the individual how they prefer to be identified. It might be a little awkward at first, but I promise you that misgendering them later will be much more uncomfortable.

Sexual Orientation in the Transgender Community

Now that we understand the pronouns, sexual orientation should be a piece of cake. Let's look at it this way; how would you refer to a genetic female who is sexually attracted to other women? You would identify her as lesbian. Correct? The same applies to a genetic male who is only attracted sexually to other males. That person would identify as a gay man. The same applies to Trans individuals. A Trans male who's attracted to other males, whether they're Trans or genetic, would be gay. A Trans woman who's attracted to other women, Trans or genetic, would be a lesbian. It's as simple as that. There are some out there who think, or fall under the opinion that a Trans woman who's attracted to men is simply a gay male. This is not even remotely true. Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation are two completely different things. That particular opinion is not only incorrect, but very disrespectful as well.

I offer myself as an example. I am comfortably Bisexual (although because I'm entering into a relationship with a wonderful woman, I am effectively a lesbian). This has nothing to do with my gender though. Whether the few partners I have had were male or female I was never comfortable with physical intimacy. It had nothing to do with whether I found them attractive or not, but how I perceived myself. I simply wasn't comfortable being with either sex because I was uncomfortable in my own skin. As I become more comfortable in my own body. The idea of physical intimacy becomes more and more appealing.

I think I've rambled enough for today. Hopefully you enjoyed this and learned something from it.

AJ