Is that really so hard to imagine? When you look at me what do you see? Do you see somebody who's throwing their life away, damning themselves to hell, as I've heard? Do you see a freak of nature, a mistake, an abomination? Or maybe you see somebody who's misguided, who isn't intelligent enough, or spiritual enough to know how they should live their life. Is it possible, just maybe, that when you look at me; when you see the life and energy in my eyes, you see simply another human being who's trying to live their life and deal with the adversity of their situation in the most positive and productive way?
I've seen and heard all of these to some degree since I started my transition. Fortune has smiled upon me, for I've experienced the negative much less than many of my brothers and sisters out in the world, but its found subtle outlets in my life as well. I get the stares, and the occasional whispered comments when those around me don't think I hear. Am I, are we really so different from the rest of modern society? I really don't think so. In fact, as hard as it may be for some to accept, I firmly believe that our similarities far outweigh the differences. Think about your average day, the things you do. Let me take you through an average day in my life, and then tell me how different you really think we are.
A Day in the Life
I wake up in the evening (I happen to work overnight as a manager in the retail world) and the very first thing to cross my mind is that craving for a nicotine fix. Like many others out there I'm sadly a smoker and it's sometimes hard to function before I have that first one. After I go outside and pollute my lungs, I finally start to feel like I'm truly awake. I step inside and have to deal with the annoyance of two small dogs yapping and barking at me mercilessly because they've apparently completely forgotten who I was in the five minutes or so I've spent outside. Afterward, I go back down stairs to my basement home and wash up before trying to figure out what to wear.
Once I've picked out my clothes and put them on, I run upstairs for a quick breakfast. Sometimes I'll do a bowl of cereal. (Something sugary because I'm still such a child!) but often it turns into a couple of toaster-warmed Pop Tarts and then it's back downstairs to dink around for a little bit before I head off to work. Sometimes I'll play a game on my PS3, or I'll check out something on Netflix, or I might even feel ambitious and power my laptop up to do some writing. When it's time to leave for work, I get into my car, usually fairly reluctantly and drive to work. During this time I'll usually think about the bills I have to pay, groceries or other necessities I might need, or things I need to get done within the next few days.
The next ten hours of my night are spent scheduling the evening at work, supervising my direct reports, and just thinking about how I really, really wish I were at home, or maybe on vacation on a beach somewhere. That last one comes to mind a lot. Like a lot of people I trudge through my job, eager for that moment when it's time to go home and get some much needed rest. For lunch I'll have yogurt, or a microwavable sandwich, or any number of other easy to prepare foods. I could probably watch my diet a little more closely, but that's just another thing I share with so may others. When my shift is over, I can't wait to get out of there! I practically race out that door, just in time to sit through morning rush hour traffic. I probably smoke a little too much while I'm waiting for the cars ahead of me to discover the virtue of motion but it's a good opportunity to listen to some music.
Eventually, I make it home. By now it's usually time to take my medication, just like so many others who have a medical condition that needs to be treated. I'm usually tired when I get home. I'll take a quick shower and wash away the light makeup I put on the night before. Dressed in my comfy pajamas, I sometimes take the time to talk to the object of my affection, or text or message her before climbing into bed with a good book, often one I've read countless times, that lulls me to sleep.
Sound boring?
Any of it sound familiar?
Exactly. Are you disappointed by the lack of strange sexual activity and fetishist behavior. Does it surprise you to know that the things I do, the thoughts I think, are so normal? Tell me this, where are the differences? What in that passage is so different, on the whole, from how you live your life.
We're not deranged, and we're not monsters with insatiable and bizarre sexual appetites like some would have you believe.
We're just, believe it or not, ordinary people trying to live our lives.
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