My Views

My Views

I've been struggling with this entry for a little while now, hence my somewhat extended absence from the blog scene as of late. For a while, I thought about not posting it at all and simply moving on and just focusing on blogging about my transition itself. While I'm anxious to get back to that as well, there are some things that I feel have to be said.

Before I continue, I just want to make a few things clear. These are my views and opinions. I don't expect everybody to agree on them and, though it's certainly not my intent, some may be offended by what I have to say. Again, I'm not out to tell anybody they're "wrong". I'm just out to offer my own viewpoint. I'm more than happy to have an open and civil discussion with anybody who thinks to the contrary. I think our diverse opinions and backgrounds in the Trans* community have the potential to make us extremely strong as a group, but we need to find a way to unite. If this post does nothing but at least open a dialogue, I'll be content.

Strong Willed

One thing I've noticed as I've gotten to know some of the wonderful people in our community is our strength of will. We can dress it up and talk about how amazing Transitioning is for many of us, myself included, but when push comes to shove we were dealt a pretty shitty hand by life. We often have to go through years of therapy, a lifetime of medication, and in many cases, expensive surgical procedures. All of this just to feel, on some level, how non-trans* individuals feel simply by way of being born. Is it fair? No. What's amazing to me is how well we handle it, and how positive many of us remain once we accept ourselves and make those difficult choices. Who else has to worry about losing their friends and family, maybe even their jobs just for choosing to live their lives.

My point being that we are strong willed. We are amazing, every one of us and we need to embrace that. People call us brave and we shoot it down, telling them that there was no choice. We're not brave, we're just doing the only thing we can.

Bullshit.

Many of us, myself included spend a lot of time scared shitless. Particularly during the coming out phase. Some would argue that doing something even though you're scared is one of the definitions of bravery. So the next time somebody tells you they think you're brave, accept that and own it. You deserve it. I'm fortunate enough to live in a somewhat accepting area, but when I think about those who don't, who risk life and violence every time they step outside well, to me that's the very definition of bravery. I have no trouble saying that I look up to those people. I admire them and I consider them incredibly brave.

Unfortunately, our strong wills often give way to stubbornness and sometimes, completely without meaning to, we become as inflexible of thought as those who rally against us. I think it's time that we step back as a group, look at where we are and what we want to accomplish, and really consider how we should go about that.

Maximum Exposure

The Trans* Community is in the public eye more so now than almost any time in history. Discriminations suits, the *sigh* bathroom bills, even television is jumping on the bandwagon. For better or worse, we're popular right now. That means that we have the opportunity to make more progress on our standing than ever before. It's actually a really exciting time in history to be Trans* and we need to take advantage of that.

I was involved in a discussion on the introduction of a Transgender Female character brought in for a short romance on Two and a Half Men. Below is a link to one article talking about the episodes:

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/12/10/op-ed-two-and-half-men-introduces-trans-character-manages-stay-respectful

If you wish to check out the episodes yourself, both are currently up on CBS's site. I won't go into specifics of the discussion, but opinions differed and the entire conversation was pulled from Facebook. The episodes themselves though, in my opinion, weren't overly disrespectful, particularly from a show like Two and a Half Men which tends to aim a lot of it's humor at the lowest common denominator.

My point here is that we can't even come to an agreement amongst ourselves about what's "right" and what's "wrong" and here we are in the public eye like never before. This might sound harsh, but in a lot of ways, I feel we really need to get our shit together.

Now For the Unpopular Items...

Sticks and Stones

Now I'm not going to say that we shouldn't be offended at times, and there are causes to rally at. An episode of CBS's Mike and Molly that went too far for one, but we tend to be over defensive. Don't get me wrong to some degree it comes with the territory and I can be just as guilty of it as anybody else at times, but this isn't working in our favor. There our causes that we need to be in an uproar about; equal rights, our people being beaten and murdered all across the world, things like that. These are things that deserve our full attention.

There are assholes out there who misgender us and misname us on purpose simply because they can and it makes them feel superior. Not everybody out there who does this, particularly the gender thing, is an asshole though. Some of them just don't know any better. They honestly don't. Any time I'm misgendered, I politely correct the offending individual once. More often than not, they'll apologize and use the correct gender pronouns from then on. If they don't after the first correction, that's how I know they're an asshole and not worth my attention.

The media tends to thrive on controversy, and when we create a huge uproar around something like the Mike and Molly episode in question, we give them exactly what they want. There's no such thing as bad publicity. Have you heard that saying before, because it's true.

Education

This is what it all comes down to. People are able to take their cues from shows and media that would seek to turn us into a joke because education on our condition is so poor. Our court cases, our bills that are coming into law, they're great, but the single biggest tool we have at our disposal is education. People fear what they don't understand, and they don't understand us. I mean, how can they without actually being able to walk in our shoes. We want them to treat us like everything is normal, like there's nothing different about us and I'm sorry but I believe that's somewhat delusional on our part, at least in today's world. The fact is that we're different. We challenge a lot of people's most deeply held beliefs. Yes there's a lot of hate involved, but these are beliefs that have been ingrained into these individuals since birth by their parents, or their religious views, or society in general. We can change it, but it's not going to happen over night, and if we don't change things up a little bit, then it's going to take a very long time.

So, who's job is it to educate the masses? That job belongs to all of us. Maybe we don't want that responsibility, maybe it's not fair, but it's the way it is. We're fighting a battle here for our rights, and sometimes even our lives, and we all need to be on board. To those who pass and could go stealth and leave this behind, I ask this question:

Do you want the next generation of Trans* individuals to go through what you've gone through?

Our cause needs all of us. Our generation is in the middle of this but we could do a lot to help the next generation, or the one after that come into a world that accepts them unconditionally for who they are, but we have to be willing to be more open with others. We need to educate the people around us. We want our privacy. I know I do, but the only way people are going to learn more about us is if we're willing to be more open with them. I personally have no "TMI" filter and will talk to pretty much anybody about pretty much anything. In my life, people have responded well to this, and it's helped people who were on the fence come around a little more.

In Conclusion

We are standing on a precipice, a turning point in history for our community. We can either get out there in the world and do our part, take a leap of faith if you will, or we can climb slowly down the cliff and continue on the way we always have. Make no mistake, we'll reach the bottom either way, but we could make huge strides right now.

Discrimination suits, protection laws, these are great and we need them in place right now because we are fighting the system, but is that how we want to achieve our full equality. Do we want to "Sue" for it? Personally, I don't.

As I've said, I'm not trying to put anybody down. There may be many who disagree with me and honestly, if you're up for it, I would love to have a civil discussion and hear your point of view. I have a great deal of respect for everybody in our community. I love all of you!